Meeting Their Social Needs I don't believe a child needs to be "socialized" through interaction with other children. In fact, evidence suggests that the more socializing a child does with peers, the more immature, behaviorally challenged and antisocial they become. I do, however, think it's great for our children to have friendships with individuals outside the family. Further, I think the most important group your child should feel accepted by and identify with is the  family God designed for that purpose, yet it's also exciting and fulfilling for a child to occasionally be a part of a group outside the family, whether it's another family that you do activities with, a homeschool group, or a club or team of some sort.  The keys for friendships outside the family are moderation, monitoring and mentoring. We must spend time with friends in moderation, monitor those friendships, and mentor our children to, not only choose friends carefully but also maintain those friendships in a godly manner.

Family First It's truly wonderful for our children to have same-age peer friends that are godly and with whom they share values and similar interests. However, we should always be careful that our children do not become peer dependent. Peer dependency is one of the problems with the youth culture today. Peer dependent children make decisions and alter their values based on peer acceptance, believing wrongly that their worth is associated with their status and their peer group. This can even happen with one single friend if that friend has different values than your family. Even if that friend does not have different values, a child can become so obsessed with a friendship that family becomes altogether unimportant. Essentially, peer dependent kids tend to rear themselves and each other - making all the rules and deciding what is important and valuable; children rearing children is not a good thing. The current model of youth culture shows us this very clearly. The adults are left out of the picture, with youth ruling themselves in immaturity. I won't go into the history behind this and how it originated from Darwin's model of human development, with childhood being likened to primitive man, and youth needing to separate themselves from the younger primitive children in the family in order to "evolve." Let's just suffice to say that separating children from other age groups is a manmade model for social interaction that we should toss out as we define our home and family. Because of the many dangers of peer dependency, we should monitor how much time our children spend with other children and evaluate whether they are placing more esteem upon their friend(s) than they are their family. If our children begin to show signs of disdain or superiority toward their siblings, our family will cease all social interactions until the heart is once again knit to the people God has supplied for them to love and know all their lives. We tell our children that friends come and go, but family is forever. It is our goal that our children should always maintain healthy relationships with their siblings. We root out bitterness and unforgiveness when we notice they are treating one another with curtness or unkindness. Family relationships are easy to ruin and we, as parents, must be vigilant to guard our children's friendships with one another. We have family discussions and talk about any problems they are having with attitudes or actions, encouraging our children to resolve them right away - reminding them that forgiveness is not optional in God's kingdom. We teach them to bless one another and pray for one another, considering the fact that each one of them will be an adult one day - and they should treat one another as if they were already an adult.

Groups Though we should guard against peer dependency or the development of a youth culture, it's really a lot of fun to be involved in groups with other homeschoolers. I have always loved being in a homeschool group as I immensely enjoy fellowship with other mothers. Truly, I have found I need social times with friends more than my kids do! If you are just beginning to homeschool, check with your state homeschool organization for homeschool groups in your area. Chat with the leaders to see if it's a good fit for you. Do they have regular play dates (for younger elementary students)? Do they have academic activities, like science classes, or history fairs? Do they have a graduation or end of the year party? Do they have extra curriculular classes or clubs? How much time do they require from their members? How often do the kids get together? Do they have a statement of faith? Find a group that's right for you. Once you join a group, don't expect your children to make friends during the group activities. The activities are great for seeing friends they already know, not developing new relationships. The kids who know each other are excited to see their friends and play, which makes the new guy feel left out. Your job is to find parents with children the same age. After discerning whether they will be a good fit for your family, invite the children (and parent if you wish) over to your house or somewhere to get to know one another. Your children must get to know other children outside the group meetings. Once those friendships are established, your children will enjoy seeing them at the group activities and fostering the friendships they have made. As homeschoolers, we must be proactive to help our children find healthy, wholesome friendships. One thing I have noticed is that too many friendships with public schooled peers (Sunday School, Youth Group, Sports, Neighbors) can have a negative impact on our children's purity and attitudes. A child that is spending too much time away from the family will begin to develop attitudes that are not beneficial for them nor the family relationships. So, don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of thinking that your homeschooled children need to have a lot of different relationships, groups, activities, clubs and time with peers to "make up" for your homeschooling. This is a myth. Homeschooling produces mature and academically superior students, precisely because they are not immersed in peer culture, being drawn away into idiocy by mindless ideas and pop icons. If you are having trouble with your children's attitudes, it is probably coming from the peer groups they are frequenting. Pull back for a few months and see what happens. You'll be amazed at how much influence over the heart peer groups have on your children - think about how easily we, as mature adults, are influenced!

Friendships We allow our children to have friendships outside the family only if they have shown themselves to be good stewards of the friendships inside the family. If a child is being unkind to his/her siblings, they are not allowed to spend time with peers until they correct their attitude. Friendships outside the family can be terrific. However, it is important that you monitor those friendships, helping your children to forgive and ask for forgiveness, resolving conflicts in a Biblical, loving and self sacrificing way. Guide your children in choosing good friends. If a friend is unkind to their mother, we help our children to see that this character flaw will eventually manifest itself in their friendships. A child who can't be kind to their parents will not be kind to their friends when they become comfortable with them. Choose friends carefully and supervise their time together. Though we do have friends that are not homeschooled, it's very encouraging for our children to have best friends that are homeschooled as well. Again, remember that too much time with a friend will often lead to peer dependency and affect their character and attitudes negatively. If you begin to see poor attitudes crop up, pull back from socializing outside the family and invest time training their hearts, having them spend a lot of time with you and your family. I've seen children with terrible attitudes - I mean super bad - become the most godly, wonderful people I know by simply spending a year with no peer friendships outside the family and being discipled each day by their mother. What a difference a year without friends can make in the character of a child. Don't be too hasty to view your children's friendlessness as a bad thing. Sometimes, it is for a time of purifying and character building that God has removed friendships from their lives. If you have a child who has no friends and you want friends for him or her, the most important thing you can do is to pray. Begin praying for godly, edifying friends for your child. Pray Scriptures related to having good and wise companions and ask the Lord to bring them. Then, begin to find out about clubs for homeschoolers in your area that may be of interest to your child: book clubs, drama clubs, art clubs. Enroll your child in a homeschool class or co-op where they could meet others (and invite prospective friends over to play to build a relationship). When my oldest was nine, she went through a phase where she didn't have a friend in the world. It broke my heart. I began praying and I shared my heart with another friend. She immediately encouraged me to enroll her in a history class that was full of other girls her age. She has kept the friends she made there for almost five years now, and they are all sweet and godly answers to prayer. It's important that you tell your other homeschool friends of your child's need. They will have compassion. Whenever I have felt a child was lacking friends, I would let others know and they would keep a lookout for other homeschoolers that may have a child of the same age.  Other homeschoolers are your greatest resource. Don't keep your worries a secret.